I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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