i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
