There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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