Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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