I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
