how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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