I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
