Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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