She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
