I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
