Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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