a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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