i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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