Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There r osticjed everywhere
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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