9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize