Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
