It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
