I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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