I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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