how can u be prego again
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
