Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
