Betty ford says i'm here all night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
