So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
