I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
