we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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