Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
