I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
