so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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