i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
