Christians are straight up FREAKS
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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