And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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