My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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