My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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