Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
