We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
