Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
