I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
