Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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