return my video game
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
