Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
