i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
