Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
