I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
