You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
