The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
