He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
