i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
