I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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