upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
