well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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