Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
