need another drink. this is the easiest way
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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