whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude i'm inner monologue high
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
