Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
