I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
