You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize