no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
