Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize