i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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