How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
