its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
