I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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