forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
