i love accidental penises.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
