Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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