every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
